His footsteps rang in the empty church, echoing off of the marble and stone. At the altar he knelt down and crossed himself as he'd been taught. He murmured a small prayer then rose again. He moved to his real destination at the side of the church. There were already a few candles lit. He gazed up at the image of the Virgin above the rows of red glasses, marveling at her beauty for a brief moment before looking back down. He took up one of the sticks and lit it from the main lamp, then picked two candles that were in the center of the racks.

"It's been a year, guys. I hope you both know how much you're missed. I pray that you know how sorry we all are," Adam said softly. He lit the candle on the left. "For you Jeff." Next he lit the one on the right. "For you Matt. I hope you're happy and together and free from all of the pain that you had here on this earth. In the image of God forever, with all of His love, and all of mine, Amen."

Adam crossed himself once again and bowed his head, letting his thoughts linger on his two passed friends. It had been a year to the day since Matt and Jeff had put bullets into each other's brains. The blame was easily placed on his own two shoulders, along with many of his other friends. The Hardy brothers had finally found perfect love, true love, but it had been in each other's arms. When they had told their secret to their friends and family they had found themselves all alone. Everyone had turned their backs on Matt and Jeff because they had chosen a life of incest. Or more appropriately they had chosen death.

"Adam?"

He raised his head, startled. "Jay..." He motioned for him to wait a moment, appropriately saying a prayer and crossing himself one last time before leaving the altar. "How did you find me here?"

"Chris told me you'd been asking around where a nice church was in the city." Jay smiled a little and looked around. "I know you love cathedrals, the older the better, so I assumed you'd pick this one."

He smiled, too. "You know me so well."

"I know." He glanced beyond him at the candles. "What were you doing?"

"Saying hello to Matt and Jeff." Jay arched a brow at him. "It's a memorial of sorts."

"Well, my name may be Christian, but I'm pretty ignorant about the religion." He bit his lip nervously. "Do you think that I..."

Adam smiled much more warmly. "Of course. Here, I'll show you what to do."

It was a little while later that the two men emerged into the bright daylight of the midafternoon. Squinting against the brightness, Adam glanced around a moment before turning to his long time friend.

"You wanna go back to the hotel?"

"Actually, do you think we could walk? I've been meaning to talk to you about something." Jay looked across the street. "Maybe over to the park?"

"Yeah, sure. It'll be quieter over there."

Adam threw an arm around Jay without thinking about it, glancing both directions before crossing the busy street cautiously. He was protective of his friend in so many little ways. Once on the other side he let him go again and the two of them headed for the park entrance. They were silent for quite a while, walking deep into the more wooded areas in order to seek quiet and privacy.

"So what is it, Jay? Something wrong?" Adam asked, already sensing a nervousness in him.

"Yeah. Sorta. I mean..." He sighed. "This is so hard to say, Adam. Even to you. Especially to you."

"Me? Jay, you can tell me everything and anything. I thought we established that eons ago?"

Jay stopped short and waited for Adam to face him, staring up into his eyes. Adam could define his entire life with a simple picture of Jay's eyes. Through all the things that had changed, that simple soul-piercing gaze had remained constant. He looked down at him expectantly. He knew that Jay trusted him more than anyone else in the entire world and that even if he was nervous he would still say whatever was on his mind. Jay never backed down from him no matter what the situation.

"I'm scared of how you'll react to this," Jay's voice came ever so softly.

"Scared of me? I'm not gonna hurt you or anything." He stepped a little closer to him. "Just tell me, Jay."

"I know you won't hurt me. I'm afraid that you'll..." He suddenly stopped and shook his head. "I'm delaying it. I need to just say it."

Adam nodded and waited patiently. Jay was obviously quite shaken by this, visibly trembling with panic. He took a deep breath to try to calm himself and looked up at him again.

"Adam... I want you." He pressed on before Adam had a chance to question it. "No, I don't just want you. I mean, yes, dear God, I want you, but there's much more than just that. You're so special. So precious. You're everything to me. I love you. I've been trying to tell you for so long. Ever since... I just couldn't bring myself to do it." He paused and frowned. "Oh God. You're giving me that look I was praying not to see."

"Jay..." He trailed off with a total loss of what to say. "I can't believe you just said all of that."

"This is why I was so scared. Adam, I'm sorry, but I can't help but feel this way."

Jay reached out to take Adam's arms, but he quickly pulled back, startling him. Adam raised his hands to fend him off. He couldn't think. He could barely breathe. How in the world did this happen? After a lifetime of friendship suddenly Jay was saying he was in love with him, wanted him, everything. How could anyone possibly handle something like that?

"No."

"What?"

"No. You can't do this," Adam said. "I... This can't... No, Jay."

"No what, Adam!" he exclaimed. "No, you don't love me? No, you don't want me? No, we can't be friends? What?"

"I dunno. I just can't. I..." Adam shook his head and started to walk away. "I gotta get outta here."

"Adam! Adam, come back!"

He stood in front of the door, still nervous, but much better than he had been. He hadn't slept the entire night. What Jay had said to him wouldn't allow him. All he could think of was Jay, his friend, their history, and everything that the man meant to him. He'd finally decided that he had to talk to him about it. The previous day he had completely flipped out over the news. Jay was in love with him. It had frightened him to the core and he couldn't have handled the situation worse. With his head now on straight he felt much more confidant about facing Jay. So he knocked on the hotel room door and drew back slightly when it slid open a crack. He pushed it further and peeked his head through.

"Jay? Are you in? Sleeping? Something?" he asked the silent room.

There came no answer aside from the hum of the air conditioner. Adam stepped inside and pushed the door closed, moving into the room further. He paused at the closed bathroom door and tapped on it as well.

"Jay? You in there?" He listened carefully. He swore he had heard something. Something quiet and weak. "Jay? Are you okay?"

"Adam..." came a meek whimper.

Adam didn't even think twice. He shoved his way into the bathroom, stopping short at what he saw. Jay was sprawled on the floor on his side. Scattered around him were prescription bottles, all of which had been emptied with only a few scattered pills on the floor. The small room reeked of vomit. Jay himself was pale as the white tile he was lying on and his skin shone with a sheen of sweat. He turned his eyes towards Adam, half-lidded and hazy.

"Adam..." he whimpered again.

"What the fuck did you do!" he exclaimed, dropping down beside him and snatching up the bottles to see what they were. "Demerol? Percocet? Where the fuck did you get these?"

He looked down at him as if expecting an answer, but suddenly realized it was much worse than it even seemed. Jay's eyes were closed and he was very still. Adam grabbed him roughly, shaking him, and was glad to see his eyes open again. It all seemed to hit him suddenly. Jay overdosed. Jay was dying. He was trying to die.

"Jay! Open your eyes! Look at me!" It seemed he was trying to listen to him. Adam felt the panic starting to rise up in his throat, finding it hard to breathe. The stench in the room wasn't helping. He glanced towards the toilet. "How many times did you throw up?"

"I... I dun..." Jay whispered.

"Wake up! Tell me! How many times did you puke?" he yelled and shook him again.

"Um... Two... I threw up twice." He whimpered, nearly crying. "Adam, I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"For ruining us."

Adam couldn't help but stare at him in helpless shock. He was trying to kill himself because of what had gone on yesterday. Adam shook his head in disbelief. This was his fault. Jay was dying in his arms and it was all his fault.

"Jay... Jay, no. You didn't ruin anything! I'm here aren't I? I came to see you! I wanted to talk!" He shook him to keep him awake. "Jay, please, don't die. Please."

"Maybe... Matt and Jeff..." Jay smiled a little. "Maybe they'll come to get me."

"No! Don't you dare die! Fuck Matt and Jeff! You stay here with me! You hear me, Jay?"

"Adam, it hurts so much." The tears started to roll down over his cheeks. "I just want to stop hurting."

"Stay with me, please. I know it hurts, but stay with me. I'll make it stop if you just stay."

Adam's mind was whirring a mile a minute. He knew he needed to call for an ambulance, but that would mean leaving Jay's side. A single moment of being alone could cause him to give up and let go. He could slip away in a mere second and then it would all be over. Everything would be over. There wouldn't be anymore Adam and Jay. No more tag partners on television, no more after show parties, no more chasing each other around hotel rooms, no more long drives to shows that were silent aside from a radio and damn good feelings that made him know that he didn't have to talk to make them comfortable. No future together. He wouldn't get to see Jay get wrinkles and go grey and eventually bald. He wouldn't get to be best man at his wedding or watch him start having kids. But Jay didn't want that. He wanted to be with Adam. He wanted to grow old and get married and have kids with Adam.

"Dear God, Jay, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. I turned my back on you." Now the tears were rolling down his cheeks as well. "I swore I'd never do that again! I promised after Matt and Jeff killed themselves that I wouldn't do this. I'm so sorry. Jay, I love you so much. Please, don't leave me."

Adam clutched Jay to his chest, rocking back and forth as he cried. He had promised in front of all of his friends that he would never reject any of his friends ever again and yet here he was. Jay was dying and it was all his fault. He raised his head and looked down at him, stroking his hair back to stare down into his whitened face, seeing his teal eyes still looking up at him.

"I love you," he whispered. "I need you to stay with me."

"You do?" Jay whispered back.

"Yes. I love you. I can't imagine life without you. Please, hold on. Just hold on okay?" He lowered him gently back to the floor. "I'm going to call for help. Don't close your eyes. Don't let go. Don't follow Matt and Jeff."

"I'll try."

"No, you have to. You leave me and I'll have to follow. Just don't close your eyes. Promise?" Jay nodded weakly. "I'll be right back. Don't die on me."

Adam hurried out into the room, grabbing the phone up and waiting for the operator on the other end. The girl at the front desk answered at last and Adam quickly demanded help, having to explain what was going on just to get her to comply. After slamming the phone down he rushed back to the bathroom. Jay hadn't moved so Adam knelt down to pick him up again, planning to move him to the bed instead. As he lifted Jay, his head lolled back limply, his body nothing but dead weight in his arms.

"Jay? Jay, wake up! I told you not to close your eyes!"

He adjusted his hold on him quickly, raising Jay's head once again and finding something that chilled him to the bone. Jay's eyes were still open. Open and unfocused and unblinking.

"Jay! Jay!" He shook him rougher, looking desperately for any sign. "Jay, wake up! Jay! No, wake up! Don't leave me! Jay!"

He tapped on the door lightly before pushing it open slightly, peeking through and smiling to himself. Adam moved over to the bed stealthily then at the last moment grabbed the side rail and used it to jump up into the bed. Jay squealed in surprise, but fell into peals of laughter as Adam settled next to him.

"Hey there! What's up?"

"They're debating whether or not I can go back to the job or if I should go into therapy," Jay said.

"And you're happy?"

"Yep! I don't care either way. If I return, great! If not, great anyway!" Jay fell against Adam's chest. "You'd be amazed how a near death experience can make you appreciate everything so much more."

"No. I think I know exactly what you mean." Adam held him close and tight, resting his cheek on the top of his head. "I love you. I never knew it until you were almost gone."

"I love you, too, Adam," Jay said softly, nuzzling his chest.

"Awww. Aren't they so cute like that?"

"Yeah. I can't believe we never knew. Especially you. I mean, you were really close to Jay."

"There are some things he just didn't share."

They watched the two blonds on the bed cuddling and lightly kissing each other. They looked at one another and smiled, moving closer to put their arms around one another. They kissed tenderly without care. After all, no one else could see them. Matt and Jeff giggled as they hugged each other tight.

"We really should go," Matt pointed out.

"But I wanna stay and watch. I'm so happy for them."

"I am, too, but we have to go help others."

"Do we at least get to work together this time?"

"Yep. In fact, I think we will be from now on."

"Really! Cool! So who's next?"

"There's a girl on the west side that needs to kick the habit. If not, her unborn baby is gonna die."

"Wow, this is gonna be a toughie."

"We'll manage." Matt paused to look at their friends again. "Do you think they'll be okay now?"

"Definitely. They're like us! Just meant to be. They just needed a little push is all."

"I wish I could tell Adam it's okay. I wish I could tell them all it's okay. There's no need to feel bad anymore."

"Don't worry. They'll find out in due time. I'm sure that we'll get to help each of them sooner or later."

"We should go."

Jeff nodded and took Matt's hand tightly, pulling him towards the other side of the room. Matt's eyes lingered on their friends a moment longer before he turned away and followed his brother. The light opened up in front of them and they disappeared through, both hoping this wouldn't be the last time that they got to help Adam and Jay.