“But why! At least give me a damn reason!”

“Jeff, stop getting hysterical about this. You knew it wouldn’t work.”

“Bullshit! I planned on spending my life with you!”

“Well, you shouldn’t have deluded yourself! But you’re famous for doing that!”

Jeff covered his face with his hands as he sobbed again. He wished he could be angry enough to not cry, or at least strong enough to restrain himself until Matt was gone. This was killing him. After so many wonderful years of being Matt’s one and only lover he suddenly being shoved away. After he had worked so hard to get here, it was all going out the window.

Five years ago the Hardy brothers had tumbled into bed together after a night out drinking with their friends. The following morning had been the beginning of their relationship, each of them finally confessing to the feelings they harbored for one another. They gave in to that dark desire and fulfilled their aching hearts by casting aside their morals, vowing to love one another for all eternity.

For five years they had been happy. Not perfect, but most definitely happy. Until now. Matt had been brooding for the past month or so, worrying about something he refused to discuss with Jeff. Now he had finally admitted it. He didn’t want to be with him anymore. Their five year relationship meant nothing to him anymore.

“I just want you to give me a real reason.”

“How about you’re my brother? Is that a big enough reason for you?” he snapped.

“No. Because we already agreed before that it didn’t matter.”

“It does matter Jeff. It completely fucking matters,” he muttered as he packed his suitcase.

“Matty, please, just tell me why and then I’ll shut up and let you go.” Matt stopped and looked up at him hesitantly. “I’m serious. I don’t want you to be unhappy. If leaving will make you happy then so be it. I just wanna know why.”

Matt sighed deeply and sat down on the edge of the bed next to his case. He rested his head in his hands as he always did when he was upset, breathing deeply to keep himself calm and collected. Jeff waited as patiently as he could till at last Matt looked up at him with a saddened expression.

“There are things that I want in life, Jeff, that you can never give to me.”

“What?”

“A child. A son or daughter of my own.” He sighed again and began to explain. “At first I was going to say that I wanted to get married and have kids, but then I thought about it. Marriage doesn’t really matter. Just being together and loving together matters. But Jeff, you know as well as everyone else in the world knows, you and I cannot have kids together. It’s physically impossible.”

“We could always adopt…” he said softly, knowing Matt would have a good excuse for that as well.

“Yeah, I’m sure they’d love to give a baby over to two incestuous brothers. Normal gay couples have a hard enough time adopting children as it is.”

“So… What are you going to do, Matty? Go out and knock up the first girl you see?” he asked a little harshly.

“Actually… I’ve been talking to Amy a lot lately…”

Jeff gasped. Amy? Their own best friend? Matt felt nothing for that woman! She was only a friend and he was willing to lie to her just to be able to have a child? As much as it hurt to hear all of this, Jeff understood. Somehow he understood what Matt felt. He had never been as adamant about it, but he too wanted to have children. In his view, though, that was simply a desire that had to be given up when he and Matt got together. Apparently Matt was not as willing to give it up.

Finally Jeff nodded. “Okay, then. At least now I know it’s not really my fault. I can’t help it that I’m male.”

“You’re right, baby brother. You can’t help it. So please don’t feel guilty. Believe me, Jeffro, if it were possible I would be more than willing to be the one knocked up!”

“Jeez, you really want kids!” he said in surprise.

“I do. I really, really do. I just feel incomplete, Jeff, and I know that’s why. Natural instinct to breed, I guess.”

“Well, that instinct isn’t what attracted you to me,” he chuckled, trying to pretend that he was okay. “I certainly don’t have wide mothering hips!”

Matt gave a weak smile at the attempt at a joke, unable to look happy when he felt like he was dying inside. He hoped he was making the right decision. Choosing fatherhood over being with his beloved was the most difficult decision he’d ever made. He was still so unsure of himself, but kept telling himself this was the right decision.

“What’s that song? It fits this so damn well,” Matt mumbled, barely audible even though Jeff was right next to him.

“What song?” he asked.

“It’s hardest thing I’ll ever have to do to look you in the eye and tell you I don’t love you,” Matt said, not singing the song because he didn’t know it well enough.

“Oh. That doesn’t completely fit. I know you love me. I just… I’m not what you need in life.”

Matt stood up and closed the gap between them, pulling Jeff into the tightest of embraces, nearly smothering him. “I do love you and need you. Don’t ever think otherwise. You’re still my brother, remember?”

“I know, Matty, but that’s not what I wanted,” he wailed, his tears coming back stronger than before.

Matt winced, wanting to hold onto him tighter and soothe him. There was no way that he could do that this time. He gently pushed Jeff backwards, looking into his tear filled eyes and feeling his own throat start to clench with the need to cry. He stepped away, quickly closing his bag, and then walked away. Once out of their bedroom he jogged quickly through the house to get to his Jeep. He drove away even faster because he knew if he didn’t force himself to do it, he would never leave.

Matt looked up at the house warily. He hadn’t stepped foot on this property in seven months. Seven agonizing months of pretending to be in love with a woman who was only his friend. Seven months of living a lie. Seven months without seeing Jeff, his brother, his lover.

He looked down at the handwritten note that he had found on his doorstep early that morning. The message was short and simple in sloppy printing that he knew was Jeff’s. Why hadn’t he just called? Matt wasn’t sure, but he knew that Jeff needed to see him. Whatever it was it was important. He went up the front steps and knocked on the door, startling when it opened so soon.

“You got my note?” Jeff asked.

“Yeah. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I have something… There’s someone here you need to meet.”

Matt frowned slightly, but followed Jeff into the house. Once he rid himself of his jacket he followed his brother down the hall, past the master bedroom, past the bathroom. The door to the guestroom that was rarely used was open just a crack and a small beam of light shone within. Jeff peaked through the door for a second, smiling, then motioned Matt in behind him.

“Keep your voice down. I don’t want you waking her,” he whispered.

Matt acknowledged the request, but was looking around the guestroom in wonderment. Jeff had done a lot of redecorating. The room looked to be a very pale pink with detailed hand painted red ribbons and tiny white flowers. The room was filled with white furniture and little toys littered the room. The thing that drew Matt’s attention the most was the elegant white crib in the center of the room. Jeff was standing next to it and looking down in. Matt came up beside him hesitantly.

“Jeff… What have you done?” he barely breathed.

“Isn’t she beautiful? Her name’s Tiara. I could’ve renamed her, but I kinda like the sound of it.”

Matt gazed down into the pink and white softness that lined the crib, completely in awe of the tiny little baby that lie sleeping peacefully inside. She had thin black (or maybe dark brown in brighter light) hair, and the fairest most fragile looking skin Matt had ever seen. She was wearing a lavender sleeper that had Winnie the Pooh on the front. He couldn’t resist reaching down to lightly run his fingertips over her soft hair, sighing contentedly just at the small touch.

“Jeffro, you didn’t… did you?” he asked hesitantly, a small sound of hope evident in his voice.

“I did. As of three days ago she officially became Tiara Megan Hardy. Her mother was only thirteen years old and all alone so she had no other choice really. Well, she did, but thankfully she chose adoption instead.”

Matt finally pulled his eyes away from the precious infant to look at his brother in complete disbelief. He didn’t have to ask. He knew Jeff had done this for him. How he had managed it God only knew, but it was the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to him.

“Jeff… How… I thought…” he stammered.

“Shhh. Don’t worry about that. In legal eyes I’m her father. I’m a single heterosexual male who will probably marry a lovely woman someday. I have a wonderful home and plenty of means to provide anything she may need.”

“But what about—“

“You? You’re just my brother, Matty. There’s nothing wrong with a girl having an uncle,” he said with a wink. “An uncle she just happens to call Daddy.”

“How in the world are we gonna pull this off? At least, what will we tell her when she’s old enough to understand that you’re my brother?”

“We’ll cross that bridge when it comes. Now stop worrying so much.” Jeff pushed a little closer, leaning over to gather the little girl up. “Do you want to hold your daughter?”

Matt couldn’t speak. He was still so shocked at everything that was being fed into his brain that he didn’t say a word even as Jeff gently laid the sleeping infant into his arms. He cradled her against his chest as he had been taught to do to Jeff when he had been a baby. She didn’t seem phased by the movements and didn’t stir in the least. He could only stare at her, marveling at her perfection, amazed by how tiny she was. He didn’t look up when Jeff took his shoulders and pushed him towards the window and then down into the rocking chair that was there. He resituated Tiara in his arms so he had one free hand and with one careful finger started to memorize every feature.

Jeff watched the expression on his brother’s face turn from disbelief to perfect contentment, smiling when he smiled as well. He knew now he had made the right decision. All the hard work had paid off. He had given Matt what he needed in life. Even if the sweet little pink and lavender bundle wasn’t born of their love, she was still their daughter. And it made Jeff’s heart come near to bursting as he watched Matt rock gently back and forth in the chair, his finger trailing over her tiny cheek, humming quietly. Jeff had to wonder if Matt even realized he was doing it. He got his answer when he started to sing instead.

“Baby mine don’t you cry… Baby mine dry your eyes… Rest your head close to my heart… Never to part… Baby of mine…”

“Dumbo?” Jeff asked with a restrained giggle.

“Shut up, I love that song,” he hissed back, but was still smiling.

Jeff smiled back and knelt down by the chair with them, gazing fondly at the little darling in Matt’s arms. He had never imagined Matt to fall in love with her so quickly. He’d expected demands of explanation, lectures of how wrong it could be, and how difficult things were going to be. But it seemed none of that mattered to Matt now. All he seemed to know was that he was a father. His world had already changed orbit in order to revolve around the baby in his hold.

“From your head down to your toes…” Jeff started to sing just as quietly, getting a glance from Matt. “You’re not much goodness knows… You’re so precious to me… Sweet as can be… Baby of mine…”

“I love you more than I ever have in my entire life,” Matt whispered to him.

“I love you, too, Matty.”